Redemopublicrats for Mediocrity

Some guy named Steve has been bragging about his business on facebook. Steve is a Republican, supporting Romney, but it doesn't really matter. Parties and politics, Republicans and Democrats, they're two sides of the same coin. Behold the Redemopublicrats' chorus for the modern age, sung by a businessman, not Steve himself, perhaps, but maybe, just maybe one like Steve, who might dare to tell it like it really is:

"OK. I'll tell ya! I got my stuff the hard way. I worked for it.

"Yeah, yeah, you worked too, but a lot of you are too stupid or too lazy to work smart, or you just don't have enough desire to get ahead, or you're such bleeding hearts for one another that you're always giving the best of yourself away, so you just work your ass off for people like me, and you ain't never gonna have what I have.

"I use you, and you let it happen. I transport stuff across public roads that you agree to build and maintain with your taxes. My employees are educated in public schools that you pay for. I even get people on Social Security to come in and buy my hot dogs.

"See, you're just like one of those sidewalks or streets you're taxed for: I have walked and driven over you for years in order to gather wealth. I have taken advantage of you and this mediocre system, but I am not criticizing the system, oh no! I am praising it for its mediocrity. That system must stay mediocre in order for me to continue enjoying the advantages.

"I do not need more wealthy people in my community. I need poor people! I need people in desperate financial circumstances who are willing to sling my hot dogs at the lowest possible wages so that I can make a modest million. And I am delighted to say, our two political parties are both doing their very best to maintain a good supply of them. So when we tell you we'll get richer together, please understand, that's not about to happen.

"We need poor people in this country in order for me to be rich. We ain't never gonna all get wealthy together. If we did, who'd make our hot dogs? If we all owned yachts, who'd fix 'em when they broke down? I wouldn't fix boats or sling dogs for a living. I'm better than that. Hell, I made a business!

"Now, I'm not in the one percent club yet, but I'm getting there. So the rest of you 99%, or whatever you call yourself, or the 94% or 95% who are beneath me, you stay right there for now. Do as you're told and give me a boost up. Then after I join the elite one percent, maybe one or two more of you will understand how to take advantage of the misery and desperation, and then you can climb over the rest of your kind and become one of us.

"Politicians got lots of money too; of course they do. Democrats and Republicans, it doesn't matter, both of 'em gotta have lots of money to be in politics nowadays. And they get lots of money from people like me. I pay for ads to convince people like you to vote for them and keep them in power.

"That's why they're with me, not with you. That's why you never really have much to vote for in this country. That's why our country ranks low in education and health in the world.

"They won't tell you the whole truth like I will, but they'll serve people like me, who give them money. And I'm telling it plain, since I'm just a little-bit rich guy now with a small business, but I'm gonna get a lot richer, and somebody's got to tell ya, 'cause you're obviously not well invormed.

"I feel sorry for ya. You poor, poor desperate people. I used to be a little like you, and I feel just a bit sorry for you sometimes, but I'm not gonna waste a lot of time on that. You just stay poor and desperate for a while more. Bite the bullet and vote. Vote for the only party available, the Redemopublicratic Party, any one of them, I don't care, and keep this wonderful country just the way it is, especially for people who are still among the pitiful 99% but on the way up, like me."