Conversation in five parts, overheard at modern society's only remaining center for broad and general (although at times, a bit convoluted) intellectual exchange - THE LOCAL BAR! Offered for informational purposes only. No further comment needed:
Seven or eight folks, presumably all of them voters, seated
around a big table, talking about the news - good, bad, and mixed.
(Translations provided for the sake of brevity, contradictions included, most
severe expletives deleted):
Proud Americans Engaged in Political Discourse, Part I:
During a reasonable state of sobriety before and during a
first round of shots, conversation focused on the following:
"Condemning the privileged class (bankers and a myriad
of others who control financial institutions) that don't listen but tell others
what's right and wrong, people who busy themselves by gathering and spending
the symbols of wealth (money) produced by others who actually produce the
actual wealth of this country ("people like us, who MAKE the real stuff"
instead of just collecting money), called "money-changers" in the
Bible, people who define the gathering of money as "work" (which it
actually isn't if you're not really making "real stuff"), and look
after their own comforts, all promoted and defended and misguided by an amalgam
of Democrats - and Republicans too, oh yes! - Who disguise their greed and
tyranny beneath religious self-righteousness and patriotism. Further
conversation on politics, fearful religious dogma, apocalypse, end of the
world, war, world war, class warfare, terrorism, political corruption,
deviance, sexual perverts, prostitution, intrusions on privacy, violations of
rights by people who are exercising their rights beyond limits, etc."
Proud Americans Engaged in Political Discourse, Part II:
(New round of shots, growing state of inebriation) Attention
turns to the good news:
"Calm down y'all, cause Jesus is coming and he'll have
it all figured out when he gets here, so relax! Pray a little bit and quit
feeling responsible. We have nothing to worry about. It's God's fault.
(Expletives and laughter.) Oh! Well! OK, I didn't mean that. It's not really
his "fault," but it's his "business," and we don't have to
feel responsible. Nothing is permanent. But sunrises are lovely, and oh, look
at the pretty sunset out there right now, and the birds and rabbits are busy,
and spiders and insects are buzzing, and my daughter's new prom dress is so
pretty, (extended conversation about numerous other trivial but happy little
items of interest), etc., and people here are going to be fine if they get out
of the way, because the oil is flowing in North Dakota. (More general
laughter)"
Proud Americans Engaged in Political Discourse, Part III:
(Another round of shots.) The answers emerge:
"It's in the Bible, somewhere. And I know it says love
"your neighbor" and "your enemy," but I know that doesn't
apply to me. I have a special right to hate some things, and I'm going to
heaven anyway. Yes, usury is supposed to be a sin too, but we're immune to
that, even though some of us make dividends on the big banks that impose usury.
And I really shouldn't want anyone dead because the Holy Book says I shouldn't,
but man, we gotta kill people that deserve it, like really bad people in our
prisons, cause they're living off my money every day, and if there's a little "collateral
damage" in foreign countries, well, maybe the "innocent ones"
will get out of the way when we bomb them next time (laughter). I mean, they
gotta get out of the target areas, you know? That's their lookout, not mine.
"It's like some jerk in this bar who lost a twenty out
of his pocket last week and walked out of the bar, and I saw it and bent over
and took it. That's not really stealing. It's his lookout, not mine. And when a
numbskull like that gets sick and runs to some emergency room and tries to get
in there on my money because he's lost his own, or because he can't earn
enough, well, he's just gonna have to die in the gutter.
Proud Americans Engaged in Political Discourse, Part IV:
(During and after yet another round of shots.) Justification
from the Bible and History:
"And there's something in the Bible about taking care
of others, and something else about not eating pork, and a lot of other bogus
stuff too. But I know exactly what the Bible actually means, and I know what's
really evil, like gays, and people taking away my guns, and socialists (except
I get to have my Social Security - That's mine! Don't try to take that away
from me!) and that's all covered in the Bible somewhere, and I know it because
I think maybe I read it once, but more importantly, I've been told by people
who know (and I know they really, really know because they told me they really,
really know), and they got it from a previous generation who really, really,
really knew how to sort out the crap in the Bible from the holiness, who got it
from another generation who got it from another one, and somewhere back there,
were these people who really, really, really understood. And we gotta trust
history! (General agreement about the importance of history around the table.)
"So I don't have to ponder the "Holy Word!"
It's all been pondered for me. I can forget about doing unto others as I would
have them do unto me, because I've decided to rephrase it: Do it to them before
they get me! (more laughter)
Proud Americans Engaged in Political Discourse, Part V:
(Near closing) Parting Shots:
"Ya! That's the way it really is. So come to church
with me this Sunday and get on your knees and get saved again with me, and take
Holy Communion with Jesus H. Christ Almighty look at them !! - uh, and get
ready to go to heaven, or don't, I don' t care. But as far as I'm concerned,
I'm an American Christian, take it or leave it, just as you will. And here's
how this here American Christian feels: As long as you're alive, get out of the
way of my military and my own independent little army, which I operate with my
own 30-06, and go to Hell when you die." (more laughter)
The remainder of the conversation was unintelligible.
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